


dead women don't write letters

by robbinsjareau



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Episode: s06e18 Lauren, F/F, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, and a lot of feelings!!!!, but with a touch of angst, they're falling in love through letters, this is gonna be so soft, this is just cute and stupid and silly letters between two women in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-20
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28870824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robbinsjareau/pseuds/robbinsjareau
Summary: “I don’t know what the point of this letter was. I just miss you so much I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m still clinging onto my old life and I just can’t let go. It feels weird to mourn for people that aren’t even dead. I’m grieving a life that I didn’t truly lose, but can never have back again. I can’t wrap my head around it.”Emily’s orders were simple.Do not contact anyone from your previous life.But Emily has never been one to follow the rules. Especially not when it comes to Jennifer Jareau.
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 5
Kudos: 35





	dead women don't write letters

**Author's Note:**

> heads up- this story will contain spoilers for the lauren storyline, and JJ's time at the state department.

JJ walks through the door of her townhouse with a heavy sigh. It’s been three weeks since she left Emily in Paris. Three weeks of mourning and grieving a woman who is still very much alive. Three weeks of Reid crying on her couch, and explaining to Henry that Auntie Em isn’t coming back. She was lying to everyone around her, and the guilt was starting to eat her alive.

Shaking off her thoughts, she shuts the door behind her and makes her way into the kitchen. She flips through the stack of mail that’s been sitting on her dining room table all weekend. Water bill, car payment, bank statement, tax forms.

Being an adult is stupid, she thinks. JJ huffs at the overwhelming pile of responsibilities in her hands. Just before she’s about to put it down and deal with it all later, purple ink catches her eye. 

____

__

She puts the rest of the mail down to examine this mystery letter. There is no return address, only a name. Claire Devaux.

JJ wracks her brain. She doesn’t know anyone named Claire. Certainly not well enough for them to be sending her letters. Her heart begins to race as she thinks of her job, and how many cases have started with a threatening letter of some kind. Is she being stalked?

Then, it hits her. _Emily. ___

____

____

All of the air is knocked out of her lungs. Is Emily in danger? She should be hidden away in some dark corner of the world. Why would Emily be contacting her? She’s supposed to be dead. Dead women don’t write letters unless it’s urgent. 

JJ takes the letter and runs into her bedroom, locking the door behind her. Her hands shake as she rips open the envelope. She unfolds the paper inside and is greeted with a blank page. 

_Invisible ink ___

____

____

She runs down to the kitchen, and takes her last lemon and slices it open. She squeezes a drop of juice onto the paper, and nothing happens. 

JJ tries to channel her inner Spencer Reid. He definitely knows how to uncover invisible ink. But she couldn’t ask him, because then he would see what the letter says, and that could only end in disaster. 

Maybe it’s heat activated, she thinks. Taking the lemon and the letter, she runs into her bathroom and pulls out her hairdryer. She then begins the painstaking process of rubbing lemon juice on the letter, and running her hairdryer over it. Her heart begins to race as slowly, words start to appear on the paper. 

She takes a deep breath, and begins to read.

___________________________________________________________________________

_Don’t be mad at me!_

_I know this is probably the dumbest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’m well aware of that. I also know that this isn’t just about me, and that I’m putting you in a horrible position, too. I understand if you want to burn this letter and ignore me. I won’t send another one without your consent, I just needed to try._

_I’m unbreakable, and apparently unkillable. So far, the universe has been hard pressed to find something that could make me fold. As it turns out, this is it. I miss you all so much that it’s hard to breathe. Every day, I wake up and the first thing I think of is our friends, and you. I lay awake at night, knowing that they’re hurting, and knowing that I’m the reason why._

_The guilt is eating me alive. I’m here, lounging around in my sweats while my favorite people in the world are grieving me. I’m living a lie and there’s nothing I can do about it._

_But I’m ok. I’m learning how to be ok. To pass the time I’ve been journaling, I guess you could call it. Don’t worry, nothing dangerous. Just mundane things like what I ate for breakfast and how many birds have flown by my window each day. Boring shit._

_I miss having people to talk to. So, I started writing in my journal as if I’m sending letters. I imagine that I’m telling you about my day. I tell you how I’m feeling, and what the weather is like here. Which is weird, since I never used to bore you with such mundane details before. But it’s all I have now._

_I hope that’s not weird._

_Anyway, I’ve decided to include a journal quote to provide you with insight on the thrilling activities I partake in every day:_

_“I still can’t cook. I tried to make chicken alfredo today and almost lit the place up. My landlord is pissed. Also, I’m struggling with French more than I anticipated. I couldn’t think of the word for plum at the farmers market today. I called it a purple apple. The woman gave me a bag filled with rotting and bruised apples. I was too embarrassed to say anything, and I just threw them away on the walk home. I can never show my face there again.”_

_There it is. These are the highlights of my time here so far. Memoir worthy, am I right?_

_I don’t know what the point of this letter was. I just miss you so much I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m still clinging onto my old life and I just can’t let go. It feels weird to mourn for people that aren’t even dead. I’m grieving a life that I didn’t truly lose, but can never have back again. I can’t wrap my head around it._

_Wow, that got emotional. Sorry._

_Ok, I’m gonna stop rambling now. I want to emphasize again that you are under no obligation to reply. I understand you didn’t ask to be put in this position, and I’m truly sorry if this makes you uncomfortable. Your safety comes first._

_Again, no pressure, but if you do decide to send one back, send it to Poste restante, Paris Louvre, 75001 Paris. That’s my local post office, and address it to Claire Devaux. I’ll pick it up from there._

_I love you & I miss you,  
Me ___

______________________________________________________________________________ _

__

__JJ clutches the letter to her chest. She falls to her knees as she begins to sob._ _

__Emily’s ok. Everything’s ok._ _

__As incredibly irresponsible as it was for Emily to send this letter, she’s grateful for the contact. For the chance to still be a part of her life. Life without Emily _sucks _, and she will take any sort of communication she can get, consequences be damned._ _ __

__

__

__JJ folds the letter back up, and places it in her gun safe that sits at the top of her closet. Of course she was going to write Emily back. It was going to be hard, especially since she was splitting her time between DC and Afghanistan. But she needed this. She needed Emily._ _

__JJ was going to find Doyle, and she was going to kill him, that much she was sure of. Emily _was _going to come home. But in the meantime, these letters would be enough. They had to be enough._ _ __

__

__

__But first, she needed to go out and buy some invisible ink, and a whole lot of lemons._ _

**Author's Note:**

> I have a general idea where I want this to go, but I would love to hear some suggestions if you have any! this is my first story ever, so please be gentle with me, but if you have any critiques or ways I can improve my writing please let me know! thanks for reading <3


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